Author: Lydia
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Thank You
When I started writing last December it was solely for me. If someone would have told me that in eight months I would publish a blog that contained the most intimate details of my life, I would never have believed them. Every step has been an intention to push myself. I fear a life of…
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My Daughter
“Every act of creation is first an act of destruction.” -Pablo Picasso For decades my siblings’ ongoing blame towards our mother for lifelong issues compared to my lack thereof caused me to believe that I wasn’t capable of the naïve feeling of guilt that my mother struggled with when it came to such things. Events…
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Seen
Each day of my life has presented me with a spectrum of possibilities, and I’ve responded to this freedom in every way imaginable. I’ve responded with determination and with powerlessness. There has been a perseverance that has been built up in my very bones and there has been an outright feeling of to hell with…
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Stunned
Two years ago I was so past the point of done that I believed separating myself from everything that took me away from joy would suffice to settle me into a feeling of peace, but it doesn’t work like that. I admit that I have reached the point where the peaceful moments in my life…
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Undone
I only had one serious relationship before my husband, and what I remember most was not knowing how to handle him. He was like no man I had met before. He wanted to talk to me, take me out to restaurants and to movies. He was interested in more than just the physical, and I…
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Leaving The Family
I was in love with my husband’s family. It’s hard to know where to start. By default of birth and marriage I had the privilege of maintaining a place within a variety of families, from rich to poor, black to white. Thoughts of my mother’s side recall college professors, a rich ancestry and a drive…
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Working
I’ve worked in some amazing places over the last thirty years, and my God I’ve met some amazing people. The impact those environments made in my life could never be measured, and I’m filled with a warm sense of being blessed just thinking back on them. Every single one served a purpose in its own…
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My Father
My father’s eyes were crystal blue except for the block of dark brown that took up a solid fourth of his right eye. My mother always said that was why she married him, and to this day I’m not sure if she was just kidding or if she was serious. If asked to picture my…
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Words
When our son was three I was influenced to enroll in college after a colleague had scolded me about being too young to get stuck in a low-paying position, and for the first year and a half of my college career the only reason I showed up was because I was told I should. As…
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The Decision
In the Spring of 1997 while only 16, amidst a fire of fierce independence and an opportunity, I left home. I moved into a studio apartment with my brother and I did well enough matching myself to the life I had chosen. I became a master of fried potatoes and onions, I worked full-time, I…
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The Vice
My default in life is pragmatic. I’m always seeking the reason for things, wanting to break them down to the core in order to understand the reason why. But then there are the precious moments in life when the supernatural occurs and understanding is not an option. My pragmatism is made lame in these moments,…